MuTsu and Piper in the Kitchen
by Hone Melgren
Summary: Just a little omake that popped into my head one day involving the Ranma and Charmed characters..Damn RanmaCharmed plot bunnys !


AUTHOR NOTES : This come to me in a fevered vision while I was at the gym. I fleshed it out on the way home , wrote most of what you see below then shelved it out of disinterest for a while. I then managed to completely over complicate things by writing out an outline than attempted to re-write what I had (which was pretty much only meant to be an omake). I ended up with this tremendous beast of prose that I wasn't even sure which way up it went or how to rewrite it or even how everything was meant to fit together.

Yes I know half of the characters are OOC . Neither are they exactly following canon - Wyatt wasn't born until Cole and Phoebe broke up or something. I know this . I didn't consult anything when I started writing this (except for the wikipedia) . I just had a mad idea and had to write it down. Half of this is out of whack but I offer to my defence - its an OMAKE people ! Not to be taken seriously at all.

So for now I'm just going to start slow with my fan fiction writing . I am posting this omake here to preview what my vision of what the characters would be like in a charmed / Ranma ╫ fanfiction . I have no plans to develop this into a larger fanfiction √ I do not believe I have the skills required to bring that about with any great speed (nor will there be any detailed back story posted). If any other really good authors want to take this and develop it further be my guest. What follows is an omake only .

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer - I own none of the character here . Copyrights to the respective copyright holders . This is merely fan worship in a way...

"Darn it!" Piper exclaimed . She was in the kitchen at the Halliwell Manor cursing her shopping oversight .

"What is the matter Piper-san?" asked Mu-Tsu as he wondered into the kitchen . The tall lanky Chinese man had wondered into the kitchen to get a cup of tea . He could of stored it readily made in his robes but it didn't taste quite the same than when Piper made it. Retrieving the kettle sitting on the stove he began to pour himself a nice steaming cup of Pipers own special blend of tea.

'She would make a good Amazon healer . Her tea is even better the Lotion's back home' Mu-  
Tsu thought

"I forgot the chocolate chips again ! We'll all out of them and without them these cookies won't be a good as they can be" groused Piper . Although they would still taste good with out the chocolate chips in Piper was a perfectionist. And damn it she wanted these cookies to be perfect!

"Oh what brand and variety do you use" enquired Mu-Tsu as he started to mentally catalogue where the portals in the robes he was wearing lead to in sub space and what brands of chocolate chip packets he had access to from subspace

"Martha Stewart's Swedish Five Fruits" Piper said as she reached for her car keys.

"Wait a minute Piper-san" said Mu-Tsu as he rustled through one particular sub space pocket of his . Eventually he found what he was looking for and fished it out.

"An expensive brand no less" he said as he handed the packet to an amazed Piper . Piper's eyes went wide and she stammered.

"How did you do that?" she said amazed as she marvelled at the packet of chocolate chips sitting on the bench. 'Wow now I don't have to run to the store' she thought

"Ancient Amazon technique handed down through 2000 years of Amazon history.I make use of individual subspace spatial pockets to store a number of items in my robes┘.┘" Mouse pontificated. "Producing any item is as simple as remembering which pocket its in and triggering the retrieval sequence like so ┘." Grinning like a child Mu-Tsu produced a European 14th Centenary Claymore out of his sleeve .

"Wow cool! " exclaimed Piper as she opened the packet of chocolate chips . As she started inserting them into the soft cookie dough her mind naturally got curious..

"So how do remember what you have in each pocket" She asked.

"When I store it I label the outside of the subspace pocket with a simple energy signature to help me remember whats in there or not" Mu-Tsu explained as he industriously helped Piper insert chocolate chips in the dough. He happened to find domestic work peacefull and calming.

"So do you ever forget what's in there" she asked

"Sometimes .. its very embarrassing since then I got to go through everything I have stored in there and re - catalogue it by hand" he sighed

"Hmmm I going to need a colander for the salad tonight. I tried looking for it just before but I can't find it . I was going to take a drive to the club to see if I left it there but if you have one can I borrow it?" she asked

"Sure Piper-san ! Let me see now" he started to rummage around in his robes. In quick succession he produced a frying pan , a Danish oven and a ladle .

"Oh no I seem to have forgotten where I put it ! ... Piper-san I may need some room here" Mu-Tsu said as he walked through the kitchen door out onto the yard.

Following Piper sweat dropped in True Anime fashion as Mu-Tsu pulled an amazing array of cookware out of his robes . Ginsu knives , oven trays and a complete set of Martha Stewarts cookbooks joined a china dinner set on the lawn as the pile from Mu-Tsu's robes grew ...

"Piper .. Phoebe... I'm home" Paige called as she walked in the front door.

As satisfying as it was being a social worker, especially in the "helping people and having a life outside of being a witch" side of things Paige still found it stressful at times . 'It's good to be home' she thought 'now to find that hunk of a man mine' she mused as entered the kitchen as she grabbed a cookie.

"I'm out back with Mu-Tsu" called Piper from the backyard .

Munching on a cookie she wondered outside. And stood amazed at the gigantic pile of stuff on the backyard . The size of a small hill it had an astonishing array of objects from dinner sets to microwave ovens to telephones to boxes of ramen noodles

"Mu-Tsu is trying to find me a colander for the salad tonight ." Piper said

Marvelling at the sheer volume of bric a brac Mu-Tsu was producing from his robes she asked curiously

"How is he doing all this .. some kinda of magical techniques .. it would be useful to store my shoe collection in say that little red dress of mine" Paige mused

"Ancient Amazon secret technique requiring extensive martial arts training actually , Paige . Only problem is I've forgotten where I put that damn colander so I've got to empty everything out here" Mu-Tsu explained helpfully.

"Are you sure it's in that particularly robe Mu-Tsu ?" asked Paige helpfully

"You may have a point there" exclaimed Mu-Tsu . Reaching behind the ear where he keeps the objects he regularly needs to call upon (for example a spare set of glasses) he pulled out what looked to be a gaudy spectre.

"Hold this for me would you Paige-san" as he handed it to Paige . Paige looked at the thing curiously . It was gold , had various gems embedded and appeared to have entirely too many springs and hinges on it . It had a plaque on it stating that it was a "100 gnome-made product . Guaranteed to work or ya gold back. No responsibility for dimensional rifts accepted"

"erm what this ? " asked Paige remembering the last time she had used something Gnome-  
made . She had to use several bottles of hair dye and shampoo to get the colour out of her head and it was a week before the members of the Haliwell family stopped chuckling when she walked by. If that annoying 'no personal gain' clause wasn't in effect as a Charmed One/ witch she would of toasted the little gnome who gave it to her. "Automatic Styling machine indeed.

"Trevor's Amazing Super Wonderful Magical Item Locator . It works only when you're in within 30cm of the object you're looking for . Which sort of defeats the purpose but it's perfect for finding something I've lost in my robes" Mu-Tsu sighed as he stepped out of the robe he was wearing .

Dressed in Jeans and a tee Shirt , Mu-Tsu reached into the sleeve of his tee shirt. Grunting slightly Mu-Tsu pulled out a portable clothes rack, on which all his clothes were hang on. Accepting Trevor's Amazing Super Wonderful Magical Item Locator (or TASWMIL for short) from Paige gratefully he concentrated briefly . "I want to find my colander" he proclaimed. The TASWMIL started to glow blue and to faintly hum with a "hmmmmzzzzz" sound.

After quickly hanging up the robe he was wearing he first scanned the clothes he was wearing , the robe he was wearing , the pile of bric a brac then finally the clothes rack . The TASWMIL hummed steadily , making the same sound as before as he passed over various places . Suddenly it starting to blink , multiple colours glowing from its various gems as it's springs and hinges gyrated wildly. A high pitched gnome like voice starting to crow "I found it I founded it Its right here In front of youz"

"You were right Paige it wasn't even in that robe after all" Mu-Tsu said as he donned the robe indicated by the TASWMIL .

"RRRright ... O well this is all very well and fun but I got to go scry for the boyfriend If he's going to make our 7pm date tonight" Paige said as she headed in the direction of the front room where an extensive collection of maps was stored.

"Do you think she'll find Ryoga?" asked Mu-Tsu as he started to pile objects on the lawn in a second pile of bric a brac and Junk.

'Hope he cleans this up when he's finished' thought the housekeeper within Piper

"I hope so .. what with that dress she's picked out for it" mused Piper.

"Which one? The red one Elder Khu Lon gave her? " asked Mu-Tsu

"No the other red one .."

"Not the one that makes him pass out ?" asked Mu-Tsu

"No the other one .. the one she got from me for Christmas last year"

"Ohhhh that one . The one that makes him act like the way Dr Tofu used to act in the presence of the Fair Kasumi..." Mu-Tsu adding a sandwich maker , a green multi slice toaster and a small model of a colonnade to the growing pile

"Yeahh I think she only wears so she can con a free meal from her favourite restaurant . I guess it doesn't come under the 'no personal gain' thing as she's not using magic..." said Piper as she noticed a particular set of cookbooks she might want to borrow.

There was a shimmer in the air as Cole teleported in with Phoebe.

"I'm home" she giggled "via the demonic express no less" she said happily

Akane orbed in beside her with Ranma in full glomp position.

"So are we..." she said , blushing as she noticed she wasn't alone . Ranma continued nuzzling her neck , planting little kisses along her collar and not letting up one bit in his ministrations.

"Baka" Akane giggled as she pushed him away from her ."We're home now ... save some for later" she admonished. The lecherous smirk on her face left no doubt as to what that 'later' was .

Turning around Ranma asked

"Hey Mu-Tsu what ya doing"

"I have lost something in my robes again Ranma-san" Mu-Tsu stated plain fully

"Again ?" Ranma sighed as he bent to help Mu-Tsu sort through the pile of objectes on the lawn. Rolling her eyes Akane pitched into help as Piper gave Phoebe and Cole a quick run down of Mu-Tsu's abilities.

"Hey I wondered where that had gone" Akane mused as she picked up her Acme Super Ultra Mallet Sama she had found . Ranma started edging away in terror . Akane simply stated "My Bedroom , Tendo Dojo" as she orbed it away to a safe place.

"Might need that later if a demon attacks" she stated as she enveloped Ranma in a hug to show him that ''no she's not going to mallet you anymore'. Whimpering Ranma quickly calmed down from the Tendo style glomp she was giving him.

Meanwhile Phoebe and Coles eyes were wide open in surprise . Both had seen some amazing sights in the world of the supernatural. Phoebe had seen actual fairies, been a mermaid and had even spoken to her dead mother in the attic. Cole had seen all manner of demonic creatures. Neither had seen anything like this.

"Was that a mouldy Chesterfield couch Mu-Tsu...What do you use that for - its so mouldy and icky!!!" asked Phoebe disgustedly

"I use it for my Burning Hunk of Love attack in matter of fact" stated Mu-Tsu plainly

"Burning Hunk of Love attack? Never heard of that one," Cole wondered

"Yeah he pulls that thing out sets it on fire and whacks people over the head with it ... I still have scars from the last time he used it on me" Ranma stated as he proudly showed the burn mark on his scalp to Cole

"Boys..." sighed Akane "talk shop later..." as she increased the strength of her Tendo Style glomp. Ranma melted into her and started babbling incoherently

"Not so uncute am I now┘ am I Ranma ?" she purred seductively. "N-N-No D-D-Dear" could be heard from Ranma in the brief moments when he was coherent.

"Umm " interrupted Mu-Tsu "Ranma could you help me with this..." as he pointed to a vaguely metallic object in his robes.

"Sure Mu-Tsu" Ranma said as he extracted himself from Akane's glomp. Passion aside Ranma loved helped his friends now that he had them. Taking a hold of it firmly in both hands Ranma started to pull. Harder and harder he pulled.

"Damn it's really stuck in there isn't it" he mused as Mu-Tsu walked over to where a lamppost was on the Halliwell Lawn.

"I'll hold on to this Ranma. Its concreted in so it should provide more than a little fulcrum" Mu-  
Tsu stated as Ranma started to glow blue.

'Okay maybe I need a little help' thought Ranma as he began to concentrate his ki.

Ranma's battle aura began to grow bigger and larger, little tendrils of energy floating off. Finally he concentrated it all into his arm muscles and a little into his legs he gave a mighty pull with a violent "KIAHH!!!"

Flying backwards he tumbled onto the lawn in front of Akane. Getting up he saw what he pulled out ...

"Is that a 1975 Oldsmobile Buick Mu-Tsu?" Cole calmly asked. He had a love of old cars and it was the first time he'd seen one in such lovingly restored condition.

Phoebe's mouth was wide open and her jaw was making little wavering motions while her eyes were bugged out

"Y-Y-Y-You have a C-C-C-C-C-Car stored in Y-Y-Y-Y-our R-R-R-R-R-Robes?" she screeched out.

"Of course.. how do you think I get home when I get hit with Xian Pu's Express Airways "Please leave me alone Stupid Mu-Tsu" attack? I can't always fly you know" Mu-Tsu calmly stated as he continued rifling through his robes.

'Although its not usually that hard to retrieve ┘Must be because the retrieval sequence has been corrupted due to lack of use┘" Mu-Tsu mused

Piper was just putting the finishing touches on dinner when she glanced out the window . Something large green and scalely had stomped past . 'What the' she thought as she looked out the bay windows . What appeared to be a large dinosaur thundered pass , the whole house shaking from the after mouth of its ambulation. The back windows glowed various colours as various attacks were unleashed . Finally after a few minutes there was an almighty crash as Piper wondered if she should call Animal Control or not . Wistfully she imagined the phone call as she tried to convince San Francisco Animal Control that yes there was an 50 foot tool T. Rex unconscious on the lawn and Can they please bring the biggest truck they have and no this is not a joke and no it is not Barney (who is actually a demon. Really. The Charmed Ones vanquished it last week) .

Paige had just stepped out with freshly washed Ryoga. After spending an inordinate amount of time scrying over several maps of the city she has slapped her self over the head with her own stupidity. After getting herself ready to drive her man in incomprehensiveness with her style of dress she simply sat her self down in the middle of the living area , concentrated hard and stated confidently "Ryoga". Ryoga had then been teleported in looking incredibly confused and holding a map upside down.

Later at dinner Ranma kept glaring at everyone at the table , Mu-Tsu in particular.

"I am so very sorry Ranma-san" Mu-Tsu said apologetically

"SORRY ? SORRY ? WHO STORES A 50 FOOT TALL CARNIVOROUS TYRANNOSAURUS REX IN THEIR ROBES ???" screamed Ranma-chan who still hadn't changed back to male form yet.

"I forgot I had that in there..." Mu-Tsu said sheepishly

"And someone here could of helped me ya know" she grumbled as she devoured her dinner at a slower pace than normal .

"Sorry Ran-chan but the Elders prohibit the Charmed Ones or any Whitelighter taking action . Unless they are being controlled directly to harm innocents we can't use violence towards dinosaurs. They are an endangered species you know" Akane stated with all the pride of having just learned that fact. She had glad that for once she hadn't been the one needing rescuing .

"What about you... " she asked Cole . "You could of helped too ya know"

"Sorry Ranma .. I'm on a strict no killing of things policy ... I promised Phoebe" he said as Phoebe nestled up to his side , feeding peas to him and accepting little slice of meat from him.

"Pops???????" she screeched at her father who currently in his Panda form and in a rare show of affection was helping Piper feed Wyatt. Wyatt gurgled happily as he accepted another spoonful of food from the cute Panda.

[Sorry son I had to watch Wyatt for Piper stated a sign he pulled out .

-FLIP-

[The path of a true martial artist is... Ranma got tired of his antics , grabbed the sign and belted him over the head with it. Wyatt cackled at the big furry panda fainting on the floor.

"Hmmpppph" said Ranma as she sat back down.

"Oh well it was good training at least" she said wistfully as she dug into her meal.

"Quite right son" displaying remarkable powers of recovery , Genma had not only recovered but also had changed back to human form.

"And just think son" he said as he tossed a kettle of hot water away from Wyatt in Ranmas direction. "the meat from it will keep this family in food for months to come!" he started drooling at the thoughts of cooking those large tender back legs of the T Rex currently lying out on the lawn.

The entire room roared with laughter as everybody present laughed at Genma's suggestion.

"I've never cooked dinosaur before" wondered Piper

"Don't worry Miss Piper" Khu Lon mused "I'm sure that book of shadows of yours has a recipe for it and I'm sure I saw a recipe in the ancient books of lore our tribe has . I'll fax the village to saw if someone can look them up for you"

"Ranma and I will help to carve it up" Genma offered

"And I will create a subspace portal for you to store it in" Mu-Tsu added "After all it's partially my fault"

"Too bad we never found that colander" mused Piper .

If anyone were to look in the kitchen right then they would of noticed something out of order in Piper's neatly organised kitchen . One of the pots hanging on the nails above the stove was hanging the wrong way up . If they moved it they would find the colander Mu-Tsu and Piper had spent the afternoon looking for... 


End file.
